Rain lashed against the windowpane, mimicking the turmoil inside Ethan. He stared blankly at the math textbook, the complex equations blurring before his eyes. Numbers, once his solace, now seemed to mock him.
Ethan was dependent – too dependent, his father often sneered – on scholarships and bursaries to keep him afloat at the prestigious Northwood Academy. He wasn't from the same world as the blazer-clad heirs and heiresses who strolled the hallowed halls.
He felt a familiar tightening in his chest, the precursor to a wave of self-loathing. He fought the urge, the familiar siren song of self-harm, the tempting oblivion of physical pain to silence the cacophony in his mind.
He shoved the textbook away, the metallic taste of anxiety rising in his throat. His hand instinctively moved towards the drawer where he kept the small, sharp object. He paused, his fingers hovering above it, a battle raging within him.
A crumpled note lay on his desk, a plea from his mother, a woman drowning in her own sorrows and dependent on Ethan to be her anchor. ‘Be strong, my love. I need you.’ The words felt like a weight, crushing him beneath their unbearable truth.
He hated the weight of expectation, the constant pressure to excel, to escape. He wanted to be free, to lose himself in the abstract beauty of prime numbers, to prove them all wrong.
Meanwhile, across campus in the grand, gothic library, Clara traced the faded inscription on an ancient volume. She was equally burdened, though her prison was gilded.
Clara was the daughter of Senator Thornton, a man whose ambition outweighed his compassion. She was expected to marry well, to secure the family’s legacy, not to waste her time on ‘frivolous’ pursuits like art and philosophy.
Her father saw her as a pawn in his political game, a vessel for alliances, not a person with dreams and desires of her own. This societal expectation of women fueled a silent rage within her.
She, too, battled inner demons. The suffocating pressure to conform, the relentless scrutiny, the feeling of being perpetually on display – it was a slow, agonizing torture. She too contemplated self-harm to make her family hear her cries.
One evening, during a rare astronomy club meeting, Ethan and Clara found themselves huddled around the ancient telescope, trying to discern a distant nebula through the murky lens.
Their eyes met in the dim light, a fleeting moment of connection amidst the cosmic vastness. There was a recognition, an understanding of the invisible weight they both carried.
“Math,” Ethan muttered, trying to regain composure after the accidental eye contact and weird tension he felt, “it’s all just complex equations and then it means nothing at the end.”
“Maybe that’s not true. Equations are about order, pattern, and searching. They may guide you to a path you wanna go, that’s its value” Clara rebutted softly
Clara laughed softly. ‘Numbers are the language of the universe,’ she said, her voice a soothing balm. ‘They’re a way to find order in chaos, to make sense of the incomprehensible.’
Ethan hesitated, unused to such unexpected conversation or comfort. His father saw only the surface - prejudice to him since he came from nothing and they have money and clout. “My father thinks I’m a lost cause anyway,” Ethan said.
Clara flinched internally hearing it because of similar pressures from her own family to maintain image. ‘Families can do a number on you,’ Clara says and paused, 'they seem to have all the power.
The next few weeks were a tentative dance of shared silences and stolen glances. They met secretly in the library’s hidden corners, bonding over their mutual love for literature and their shared sense of alienation. Was this love or simply just their dependent need?
Ethan shared his frustrations with impossible proofs and the snide remarks of his privileged classmates. Clara revealed her suppressed artistic ambitions and her loathing for the gilded cage she was trapped in.
One night, lost in thought about the meaning behind a differential equation and romance, Ethan suddenly realized Clara was more important than him solving anything. Why, what if he had some feelings?
A profound shift in perspective followed: he stopped focusing on 'escaping' to the math's beauty, he focused more and thought about Clara and if what he felt wasn't infact codependency or not. Because it surely didn't feel that simple.
Clara’s presence became a refuge, a place where he could be himself without fear of judgment. The self-harm urge would go away and sometimes the loneliness would ease up
But the societal forces arrayed against them were formidable. Ethan’s scholarships were threatened when rumors spread about his ‘inappropriate’ association with the Senator’s daughter. Clara was pressured to end the relationship for the sake of her family’s reputation.
The headmaster, a man deeply invested in maintaining the academy’s social hierarchy, summoned Ethan to his office. “You need to understand your place, Thornton. You are a guest here, not an equal.”
Ethan felt the familiar sting of prejudice, the crushing weight of expectation. His fists clenched at hearing this overt prejudice towards people of less affluence. So he walked.
Despair gnawed at Ethan’s resolve, and the lure of self-harm returned with renewed ferocity. He found himself standing on the bridge overlooking the river, the dark water mirroring the abyss in his soul.
Clara, sensing his distress, searched desperately for him. She found him on the bridge, his silhouette stark against the fading light. With nothing more than genuine feeling and gentle coaxing, she pulled him back to earth.
He poured everything out and they found some semblance of resolve, their friendship stronger together. Both committed to not resorting to those habits.
She found solace from her prison in seeing Ethan work harder as a symbol that maybe what seemed unfair was not entirely an unwinnable war. While dependent upon one another's growth, that bond gave strength.
Confronting her parents, Clara says 'This is love and I would be nothing if I did as you command' And Clara doubled down in standing to Ethan because seeing her and giving confidence from genuine interest motivated him. That friendship felt very real to him.
The ensuing confrontation with her father was explosive. He threatened to disown her, to cut her off from the family fortune. Clara stood firm, her voice shaking but resolute. And Ethan became motivated to change and not feel hopeless and codependent; he saw he needed the money so she wasn't struggling at her own accord.
A part of Clara realized what Ethan struggled for the 'better' could cause a struggle within the self. Ethan made a decision to give up and this would make his love unearned, no?
Ethan faced the challenge ahead to study, get internships, take tests because, maybe this was her destiny.
There was one last bridge over rough water for each to pass on their way